Thursday, July 10, 2014

I'm Only a Minivan Away From Officially Being a Soccer Mom


Minivans. Practical? Yes. Economical? Sure. Cool? Not even close. My favorite parenting tool to make fun of? Absolutely!

There. I figured if I'm going to piss you off insulting your minivan, I'd do it right away so you don't waste anymore of your time reading this post and you can go straight to the comment section and tell me how great your minivan is. Seriously - I get more complaints comments about my blog when I bash on minivans than any other posts. And I don't dislike you or think any less of you because you drive a minivan. I just find it an easy target, because, well, YOU DRIVE A MINIVAN!

Okay, back to what this blog is really about.  

Soccer. Wow! Just writing the word "soccer" reminds me that I'm probably going to get even more haters. I'm going for a record here, people!  

Apparently I'm feeling brave today because I am putting in writing on the internet for the whole world to see (okay, maybe just the few loyal readers I have will see this) during the World Cup on top of it all, that I hate (I mean with a passion hate) soccer.  

Yep. Never liked to play, have no interest in watching, and don't even care if the players are nice to look at. I like real sports (oh- that really ticked some people off!) like baseball, basketball, and football. Okay - maybe that went too far. Soccer is a sport. One that takes a great deal of endurance and a lot of foot coordination (of which I have none- maybe the cause of my hatred?). 

So, now that JJ is all of 2 1/2 years old, he is officially old enough to start sports. And his amazing preschool that I love so much actually has a coach come in weekly and coach them how to play. Side note - they are also offering track right now, too, but if I could name a sport I hate more than soccer, it just might be track (yes, there went five more readers). So, for this session, we opted just to put him in soccer.

So here's my problem. I want my kid to play sports, and as much as it pains me to admit, at 2 1/2, soccer is probably his best option. Don't get me wrong, the kid can hit a pretty mean wiffle baseball and occasionally throws the football in the direction of the person he is throwing it to, but running around kicking a ball is really about the extend of his true athletic ability at this point. 

The other problem? They have practice (I guess that is what you would call it) during the day while I'm at work, so I don't get to watch - which just kills me.  I mean seriously- how cute would it be to see a field full of 2-4 year olds doing jumping jacks and attempting to dribble a soccer ball?

However, we get a weekly e-mail from the coach telling us what they learn each week and rating how our kid is doing. Here is a sample...

Today was our third day of soccer. We learned about a "scissor kick," "pull back," and "heel kick." We started out today with warm up exercises and did our jumping jack blast offs before we started our lesson. Coach had us practice kicking the ball from one foot to the other without moving forward, so we were using just little kicks using the inside of our feet to kick it back and forth like a big grandfather clock or "tick tock dribbling." 

The rating system below (of how JJ is doing) is a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Perfect.
Respect9
Following Direction9
Warm-up10
Stretch10
Pull back8
Heel kick9
Scissor kick7
Try10
NotesJJ has a strong heel kick. He is working on better control while stepping on the ball to "pull back" the ball. 
So maybe I'm jumping the gun just a little bit here, but (other than his scissor kick) I'm afraid my kid might be damn good at soccer! And that scares the crap out of me! I want to be an SUV driving baseball mom! I don't want to be a soccer mom. And I definitely don't want to drive a minivan!   

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