Wednesday, April 30, 2014

How to Manipulate a Two Year Old

The terrible twos. Are they really that terrible?

I think not. Is it because my child is the perfect angel? Absolutely not. Is it because I just let him do what he wants? Nope.  

The terrible twos are not so terrible because I have mastered the art of manipulating my two year old.  

Really, it's not that hard. Just use these helpful tips and you, too, can learn to manipulate your child and easily survive this infamous year.

First off - My parenting motto has always been Pick Your Battles. I'll be honest - I don't pick a lot of battles. If he's not going to get hurt, do something that will cost me a lot of money to fix, or do some serious damage in some way - it might just not be worth the fight. For example - he wants to wear a royal blue shirt with navy blue pants. Do they match? Absolutely not. Is his mismatched outfit hurting anyone in any way?  Nope. So do I care? Not in the least. Blue on blue it is and ten minutes of him kicking and screaming while I try to put on a pair of grey pants is avoided.

Second- Candy. I know half the mother's out there just rolled their eyes at me and instantly determined I am a horrible mother for poisoning my child with candy, but guess what? I can get a lot of good foods down my kid in exchange for one M&M. And I can get toys picked up. And I can get him in the house when he is insisting out playing outside. So judge all you want, but at this point, my kid will move mountains for a piece of chocolate and I'm not above using it.

Next - Carry the kid upside down. Seriously. Last night, JJ was doing the potty dance, but his firetruck was just too fun so he was refusing to take a potty break. One quick offer to carry him to the potty upside down and we were off. Someday you may see me carrying him through a parking lot upside down. Don't look at me and think I'm weird. Look at me and know I'm a genius who is winning a battle.

Finally - Count to three. It amazes me that this one works because when JJ counts, he always skips three. It also entertains me because I have vivid memories of my mother's voice, "One.... Two..." I never found out what would happen if she got to three. JJ doesn't quite get the concept of he's in trouble when I get to three, but whatever the task is, it turns into a race and makes it so much more fun. At times, I have to count to 10 and sometimes I have to forget where I was and start over, but those toys get picked up by the time I get to 10 every time!

So there you have it - how to turn the Terrible Twos into the Terrific Twos in four easy steps.


  1. Not sure how I stumbled upon this page. But definitely agree with you as a parent and some of your techniques. The candy thing gets my now 3 year old to do a lot. One way I feel less guilty, is I bought all natural "M&M"'s (They're called Sun Drops) from some online candy shops. Also organic gummy bears and worms are a big motivator in my house. I'll have to try the upside down trick. Thanks!

  2. Hi Cassidi! My name is Heather and I wanted to know if you would be willing to answer my question about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com that would be great!


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