Monday, September 2, 2013

Memories of My "Labor" Day

It's been 21 months and one day since my "labor" day.  I have a lot of small memories, like calling my mom and telling her we were on the way to the hospital and calling my sister and confirming the pains I was feeling were actually contractions.  I remember sitting in court (for work in case any one was wondering) and the Court Security Officer asking if I was going to need a ride home that day.  Although I wasn't officially in labor yet, I knew it was coming and told him I just might.

Those were all great memories, but the top seven (yes, in a particular order) are:

7. Survivor.  Yes, the show.  Since Jeff and I have known each other, we haven't missed a single season.  Apparently being in labor is not worthy of missing a show.  I'll be honest - I don't remember who was on the show, who got voted off the island, or anything about it.  I do remember watching from my bed while on all fours breathing steadily just like I learned in yoga every six or seven minutes.

6.  Pooping.  I haven't blogged about pooping for a while, so I can't leave this one out.  I'll admit, one of my biggest fears of giving birth was that I would poop while pushing (and I have no doubt that every woman who has given birth can relate to this!) I'd heard that before you go into labor, your body prepares by cleaning out your system, if you know what I mean.  Well trust me - that was the main reason I knew my labor was impending.  My body was thoroughly cleaned out.  Thoroughly.  And I was so excited all day, because I knew if I was cleaned out, there would be nothing left at the end of the day.  And there wasn't.  I'm very proud to say I had a poop free delivery (and I asked the doc afterwards just to make sure).  Yes, I was that worried about it!

5. Discovering how a man reacts to his wife in labor.  Sure, this probably varies from man to man, but here's what I remember about my man.  First - male nesting.  We were pretty darned prepared for this kid to arrive, but seeing Jeff in last minute nesting mode was unexpected.  Apparently during labor is the perfect time to put up the carbon monoxide detector in the house.  I mean, we'd lived in the house for two years and never had a problem, but when he's about to bring his child home, this quickly became top priority.  No better time to get that crossed off the list, I guess!  Second- men clearly do not understand the pains of labor.  Once at the hospital, I pretty much instantly became bonded with the side rails on my bed and gripped them for dear life whenever a contraction started.  You'd think when my grip tightened and my face showed extreme pain, that would be a sign to give me a moment to myself.  To Jeff, that meant the perfect time to ask me a question.  When I didn't answer, he'd ask again.  Like I was just ignoring him.  Men!

4.  My water breaking.  In the movies, this is always what starts the labor.  In reality, not so much.  Not the case with me, either (although we pulled a pretty good prank on my boss making him think it did - here).  My water broke when the nurse was checking to see how dilated I was.  Let me rephrase that - my water EXPLODED when the nurse was checking me.  I couldn't see it (obviously), but from what I felt, I think Jeff, who manned up and saw it full on, described it best when he says it was like a jet ski that just took a sharp turn and shoots out water.   EX-PLO-SION!

3.  JJ's first mohawk.  As you'll see below, JJ was born with quite a bit of hair (which was also very dark!). While he was crowning, our lovely nurse gave him his very first mohawk.  The kid came out in style!

2. My anesthesiologist.  I remember her well.  Why, you ask?  Because in my mind, she was the worst anesthesiologist of all time.  My birth plan consisted of one word - EPIDURAL (seriously - I even wrote a blog about it when I was pregnant here).  That's all I wanted.  I didn't need special music.  I didn't need the hot tub.  No doula or hypno-birthing for me.  I just wanted no pain.  I wanted to just relax, enjoy my painless labor, and fully be able to enjoy the day my precious child entered the world.  However, the doctor who puts in epidurals for a living, just couldn't get mine right.  Either time!  Yeah, she tried twice and do you know what pain relief I got?  I had a small numb spot in my right thigh. Yep, still bitter about that one!

1.  This guy.  Of course - I had to put him at #1 or I'd be the worst mom ever.  But that's cool, because nothing really can compete with him.

And in a very fast and amazing 21 months and 1 day, that precious little guy has turned into this funny, talkative, cuddly, blonde haired young dude.

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