Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Poop, Poop, and More Poop

So it has been a little while since I’ve written a blog, but I’ve been slightly busy lately.  “Busy doing what?” you ask.  Well, let me tell you.  First of all, for all you pot smokers out there complaining that you can’t get any weed because your dealer is locked up – get over it!  (Ok, I know I probably don’t have many pot heads reading my blog, but just in case, I had to get that off my chest).  Thanks to what has to have been the biggest marijuana bust in the history of the whole wide world ever I am absolutely swamped at work.  On one hand, that sucks.  On the other hand, I am a federal employee, and I’m not getting furloughed due to the sequestration (and if the powers that be think using a fancy word like “sequestration” makes it any less painful, they are wrong!).  And since my little Poop Butt is not cheap, that is a very good thing.
Of course, since I am busier than I have ever been in my career, sounds like the perfect time for Poop Butt to get sick.  And, no, I don’t always call him Poop Butt, but after this past week, he has earned that title.
So it started on a weekend.  I think.  The days have really all blended together.  Slight fever, nothing serious.  The good news was he seemed to feel just fine.  And then the fever went away.  Awesome.  And then he started acting sick.  Didn’t sleep well (Oh, wait- that is every night, not just when he is sick), pulling at his ears, fussy, blah, blah, blah.  He’s never had an ear infection, but after a good look at his pediatrician’s website, I’m convinced that is what it is, especially since he’s never pulled at his ears before.  So in to see the doc we go and after a hard fight through lots of screaming, she finally gets a glance and his ears are fine.  She looks in his mouth and determines his eye teeth are coming and blames it all on them.  Seriously?  Thanks for the week break after the three months of hell we just got through with his molars!  Anyway, we head into daycare thankful it is nothing serious.
Later that day (or maybe the next day, who really remembers?) I get the call from daycare that he has a fever, again. Great. Not only am I sad for my sick Poop Butt, but this also means he can’t go to daycare the following day.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the extra day with him, but it is never as fun when he is sick and did I mention I’m slightly busy at work right now?  And as Jeff doesn’t get paid unless he is working, I am the go to stay at home, if possible.  We had a pretty good day and it was about as nice outside as it has gotten lately, so we even spent a little time in the back yard which made Poop Butt very happy.  Trust me, he is constantly pointing to the back door saying “side, side.”  Translation, “I will fuss and wine until you take me outside.  Or distract me with something else.” 
I think now it is Friday and Poop Butt had a great day at daycare and I’m just sure we are back on track.  We all get home and it is almost 80 degrees outside, so out we go and all are happy.  We head in, eat some dinner, and here comes the boom.  And by boom I mean vomit.  Lots and lots of vomit.  All over me.  We made it through the night with just a few small vomits and by now we have learned to put a blanket down on the bed, so when he vomits, you just peel it off and you don’t have to work so hard changing sheets.  Which makes me think – why don’t they teach you that kind of shit in parenting classes?  That is the stuff you really need to know.  I digress.  After a long night of puking, it continues into the next day.  At this point, I’m not sure which smells worse, the puke or the carpet cleaner used to clean up the puke.  The whole house just smells rotten.  And our poor washing machine did not get a break all day (and neither did Mom and Dad!).  Oh- and as if we haven’t had a hard enough week, water starts shooting out of the other end (like you didn’t see that coming).  Yeah, Poop Butt.  And it shoots and shoots and shoots.  I mean really shoots.  A lot.  Really.  I mean the little guy only weighs 22 pounds and I swear more had to come out of him than that.  But I gotta give my little Poop Butt credit – he was a trooper through it all.  I think we went through about 20 diapers on Sunday and even though I could hear the water splashing in his diaper when he walked across the room, he took each diaper change like a champ!  And, Pedialite, you are welcome.  I think we single handedly kept you in business this weekend.
So, there you have it.  That is why I have been busy.  And for anyone who doesn’t enjoy readying about poop, I hope you are using birth control, because trust me, what we went through cannot even begin to be put into words that fully describe it (and you saw the title, what did you think you were going to be reading about).  Thankfully, Poop Butt is feeling much better and Mom is back at work dealing with drug dealers.  Life is good.

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