Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Things I’ll Do for a Good Laugh

If you no longer watch The Office, I can’t say I blame you.  It just isn’t the same without Michael Scott.  However, last week was pretty entertaining when Pam kept faking getting contractions to get out of meetings and whatnot.  Eventually, though, her coworkers no longer were buying it, so she took it one step further and faked her water breaking.  Unfortunately, she was once again busted when the water bottle fell out from between her legs.  When my coworker/ partner in crime and I were talking about this episode, inspiration struck him and we decided we needed to test our supervisor to see how he would react if my water broke (ok – it was not a test, purely a prank from the first moment).  We pulled in one other coworker and plotted and schemed all day (yes, your federal tax dollars well spent). When I got home, Jeff and I tested numerous water breaking contraptions including taping zip loc bags to my thigh, slicing a sack with a razor blade, and about anything else we could dream up.  In the end, a simple bread bag turned out to be the winning apparatus. 
Fast forward to this morning.  It’s about 10:00 a.m. and we decide it is go time.  I head to the bathroom to rig up my oh-so-scientific water breaking equipment and then coconspirator #1 and I head into the supervisors office to “discuss the statutory fine for drug offenses” (exciting stuff, I know!).  Being a serious topic, we pull in coconspirator #2, as well.  So there I stand with a bread bag down the back of my pants about 1/3 full of water, holding the bag at both ends so that is appears my hands are just resting on my hips.  My supervisor is pulling out statute books left and right when BOOM – I drop the open end of the bread bag and water gushes (and when I say gushes, I mean this was so good it could be in the movies)!  “Oh my God – my water just broke!”  Everyone is on their feet (well temporarily at least) and asking what we need to do.  I assure everyone I am ok.  However, coconspirator #1 has to take it one step further and fake faints!  What does supervisor do?  Of course, he grabs his phone to take a picture of coconspirator #1 lying on the floor!  He then makes me sit down and insists we call Jeff (thank goodness Jeff knows this is happening).  So we call Jeff on speaker phone and tell him to meet me at home.  Supervisor then insists that either he is driving me home or we are calling an ambulance.  I’m thinking an ambulance isn’t a good idea, so I agree to let him drive me.  He puts his coat on and heads out to pull the car around.  At this point, we feel we have taken if far enough, so we don’t make him go out in the rain and let him know he was the victim of our harmless crime.  We all sit and laugh (me still in my soaking wet pants and shoes) and supervisor takes this horrible picture of me (I swear I am not this swollen or drugged up looking) to show that I am A-Okay and all water is still intact.  Note the wet spot in the carpet behind me!

One would think the joke would end there, but no!  All is calmed down and I am back in my office in the spare dry clothes I brought to work when the Chief Officer from our district comes to my door.  “You need to go home!”  I’m not sure what he knows, so I try to just play along and insist I am fine.  “No – you need to go home!”  But I have a report to finish!  Turns out he had gone into my supervisor’s office and asked what happened to the floor.  All he was told was that my water broke.  At this point he is truly concerned about me.  I can’t keep it in for long and let him in on the joke.  I know my supervisor has told a few others where the wet carpet came from, too, as others have come in quite excited to check on me.  In fact, I’m a little concerned that a few may still be roaming around the office thinking a baby is coming any minute.  If only I were so lucky…

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