Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Preggers Gotta Gun

My official title is U.S. Probation Officer.  Many probation officers supervise offenders and make sure they are abiding by their court-ordered conditions.  My main duty, however, is to write presentence reports.  Therefore, most days I sit at my desk and write reports for the court.  And I quite enjoy that.  However, part of my duties as a probation officer is to occasionally go to offenders’ homes to check up on them.  Most of the folks we work with have done time in prison and some are not the most upstanding citizens.  Therefore, these home visits can be in rough neighborhoods, with rough family members around, and dangerous situations can arise at any time. 
But have no fear, we are prepared for about anything!  We have regular safety meetings, are qualified to carry firearms and OC spray (mace), and we are also trained in officer response tactics (that’s our fancy term for self defense).  Yeah, I’m kind of a badass. 
The other training we do annually is to practice scenarios.  We go to this park full of cabins in Topeka and approach the homes as if we are doing home visits.  Our instructors have different situations set up such as drugs or guns in the home, unruly neighbors, or angry offenders who are not the least bit happy to see us.  We have to deal with the situation and use whatever means necessary to get ourselves out safely.  These situations are quite realistic as we use non-leathal weapons (basically paint guns) and inert spray. 
Going through this training 26 weeks pregnant was a little different experience.  But I was not alone!  My co-workers is six weeks ahead of me, so we partnered up and headed to the homes to take on the bad guys.  Of course, things were toned down and we were not about to “fight” anyone.  Plus, we had to get past the point of the “offender” opening the door and laughing as the two pregnant chics stood there trying to look tough with our gun belts nicely tucked below our big ole bellies, giving us what I like to call “man bellies.” 

Quite threatening looking, right?  Oh, and wearing our Kevlar vests- not even an option!  In the end, we shot lots of bad guys and got out of the homes safely.  And personally, if I were a bad guy, the last person I’d mess with is a pregnant hormonal chic with a gun!   

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