Monday, May 16, 2011

Three Up, Three Down

As I’m writing this, we are watching the Yankees beat the Red Sox, so the title is slightly inspired.  However, it is also unfortunately fitting.  After three months of hot flashes, smiley faces, cuddling up, and waiting, waiting, waiting… three negative pregnancy tests.  I know everyone says after 35, it gets difficult to conceive, but it’s so hard to understand why it doesn’t work when you know you have an egg and you know you have good sperm swimming around it.  We have done everything that needs to be done to make a baby, so why am I still not knocked up?  I know trying to make a baby is supposed to be fun, but it is truly becoming one of the most exhausting and emotionally draining things we have ever been through.  I try not to get my hopes up, but every month when only one stupid line appears on the pregnancy test, I can’t help the tears from flowing.    And why is that every celebrity in the world is pregnant right now?  And how can every criminal I work with get knocked up 12 times without trying?  Surely, I deserve better karma than they do (not that they are all bad people).  I am quickly approaching my wits end.
Side note- Jeff just wished Dustin Pedroia (Red Sox 2nd baseman) would break his leg – he pointed out that since he is trying to have a child, he is no longer wishing death on people.  Trust me when I say this is progress, he REALLY hates the Red Sox.
Back to my whining.  At this point I have come to a conclusion.  Mother nature can be very cruel.  Not only do I have to face the fact that I am not pregnant, but I have to face it right when I am about to start my period.  Yeah, as if it’s not bad enough dealing with a negative test, try dealing with it when you are PMSing.  My poor husband has learned to dread test day, because he fears my breakdowns.
But we must go on.  Back to see Dr. Milroy.  I guess this would be Plan C.  She tells us she has recently been talking to other doctors and has found that taking Clomid for five days followed by three days of injectables has been shown to be quite successful in women my age (now 38) with my FSH level.  The injectables will still be pricey, but it will definitely save us some and will still increase our chances.  We decide that this is the route we will try, but first we need to do an ultrasound.  She tells us that Clomid sometimes causes cysts on the ovaries which decrease your chances of getting pregnant.  So, if I have a cyst, we have to take a month off from trying.  Time out here – when she first gave me the Clomid I got a three month prescription.  After we checked the first month to make sure I wasn’t going to be Octomom, I never went back.  If it causes cysts and decreases my chances, why didn’t we check for this monthly?  And wouldn’t you know, there in the middle of the fuzzy screen, a cyst right there on the left ovary. 
Next, I hear the last thing anyone trying to get pregnant ever wants to hear, “To get rid of the cyst, we need to put you on birth control for a month.”  I feel like I just got hit by a pitch (yeah, the game is still on – Yanks are up 7-4).  Good ole Jen explained that sometimes this is good because it shuts your ovaries down for a month and then when you get off the pill, they spring into action and react well.  Sounds good, but knowing I only have so many eggs left and could literally run out at any time, taking a month off is incredibly frustrating.  However, a month of no meds (other than the little pill each morning), no peeing on sticks, no waiting to find out may be exactly what my mental health needs.  So I enjoy the month and truly enjoy drinking the occasional glass or four of Malbec knowing I’m not potentially damaging my unborn child. 
As another fun side note, during this month, Jeff and I took a trip to New York City.  We went to see a Knicks game and truly enjoyed our time at Madison Square Garden.  However, an unexpected highlight of the trip happened when we decided spur of the moment while walking in Times Square to go to Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum.  Trust me when I say that about two minutes in, we realized this was not our thing and we were regretting our decision to pay $30 each to enter.  Nonetheless, about 45 minutes in, we realized it was worth every penny.  We came upon a fertility statue.  The little sign on the wall said that in some customs, couples touch this statue on their wedding night and it brings them good luck in starting a family.  The sign then warns to touch it with caution, as you never know what could happen.  Caution?  Forget that!!  We rubbed that poor statue raw!  At this point we are willing to try anything!
Final score – Yanks 9, Red Sox 4

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